Two Grumpy Jedi
by Darth Tornado
Summary: JA era vignette, featuring a disgruntled Qui-Gon and a petulant fourteen-year-old Obi-Wan.  Can they make it through the uncomfortable trip home after a long and trying mission without trying to kill each other?  non slash


This a JA era vignette, featuring a disgruntled Qui-Gon and a petulant fourteen-year-old Obi-Wan. Can they make it through the uncomfortable trip home after a long and trying mission without trying to kill each other?

Disclaimer: Lucas and company own the boys and their universe, not me. Too bad. (But that doesn't stop Obi-Wan from being my precioussss.)

Author's note: I originally posted this on 5 years ago under another penname (Bastet), and for some reason never thought to post it here on as well. I lost interest in Star Wars fanfic for a while, but now that I'm back to reading and writing it, I thought I'd see how this story does here-maybe it will give me motivation to keep writing more.

**Two Grumpy Jedi**

Qui-Gon couldn't believe this. This was the absolute worst mission he had ever been on. Well, so far, anyway. Ever since they arrived here on Creon IV, they had dealt with nothing but squabbling dignitaries, arrogant ambassadors, incompetent security forces, and rioting citizens. But now, after over six weeks of exhaustive almost non-stop negotiations, they were finally ready to leave. And the only transport left that was still space-worthy was completely full.

"I'm sorry, Master Jinn," the transport conductor said, a bit nervously. He was still a kid, probably in his late teens, judging by the fact that he still had acne. "I suppose I could ask someone if they'd be willing to give up their cabin for you…"

"No, no, that's alright," Qui-Gon sighed tiredly. "Do you have any idea when another transport will become available?"

"I'm afraid not. It could take weeks to repair the other ships."

"And long range communications are still down?"

The pimply conductor nodded. "What about the ship you arrived on?" he asked.

Qui-Gon shook his head in frustration. "It blew up, somehow, during the riots." He didn't want to spend another minute on this wretched planet, and now it looked like they would be stuck here for Force only knew how much longer.

The Jedi Master looked over at his padawan, Obi-Wan Kenobi, and got a look that clearly stated_: Get us out of here __**now**__, Master, or so help me_...

Turning back to the conductor, Qui-Gon tried again. "You're absolutely certain there's no space left? Please, _anything_ will do."

"Well…" the young man started again, looking embarrassed. "There is something, maybe, but it's hardly suited for Jedi."

Qui-Gon had to resist the urge to roll his eyes. "There's no need to worry about that. Jedi are not concerned with material comforts. We don't care if all you have is a utility closet, we just want to get off this planet as soon as possible. Please."

"Um, alright," the conductor finally agreed. "If you'll please wait here for a minute, I'll make the necessary arrangements."

While the conductor hurried off, Qui-Gon turned back to his apprentice, who was somehow managing to look even unhappier than he had before. "Force, Master, I hope it's not a utility closet," Obi-Wan began. "_You_ may not care about material comfort, but I'd really like a nice, soft bed right about now. Ever since mine caught fire during the riots, and you made me sleep on the floor rather than request new quarters, I haven't had a decent night's sleep."

Qui-Gon didn't like Obi-Wan's tone, or his implied criticism. "We had enough to deal with already, Padawan, considering even the trouble we went through every morning just to get breakfast. Now, would you rather stay here on the planet?" he all but snapped.

"No Master, of course not," the young Jedi all but snapped back. "I'm just tired. Sorry." He didn't sound very convincing, but Qui-Gon decided to let the matter drop. He didn't feel much like lecturing right now.

The two Jedi lapsed into a strained silence while they waited for the conductor to return. While Obi-Wan occupied himself playing with a loose thread on his robe, Qui-Gon spent the time trying to re-center himself in the Force. It was rather difficult, since images of the brawls that kept breaking out during the so-called negotiations kept popping into his head. What was wrong with those people, anyway? The Jedi Master had had better success reasoning with brick walls than that lot. No wonder their government had been ready to fall apart. And Force only knew how long the current "new-found peace" would last. As long as they didn't need to call the Jedi back in- Qui-Gon would rather spend a month listening to Council lectures than end up back here.

Finally, the conductor returned. "Well, we've found a place for you, but I'm afraid it really isn't much," the kid said apologetically, looking a little scared. "So it will be free of charge, of course. Now, if you'll please follow me."

Qui-Gon got another mutinous look from Obi-Wan as they grabbed their bags. The Jedi master decided, as they headed out of the room, that his padawan was definitely due for another lecture, as soon as he felt like giving one. They followed the conductor through the ship, down several levels and along seemingly endless corridors, right into the bowels of the ship. Finally they found themselves in a corridor with countless pipes lining the ceiling and half the walls. They couldn't be more than a couple of levels above the engines now. Qui-Gon hoped they wouldn't get too loud during the trip.

At last the conductor stopped in front of a plain yellow door halfway down the corridor. "We picked this room because it's sound-dampened, since it's normally used to transport live animals," he explained as he fumbled in his pocket for his keycard. "But don't worry," he added with a nervous laugh as he swiped the card in the lock-panel, "it's thoroughly cleaned after each use. And this way you won't be kept awake by the sound of the engines." He led the way in as the door slid open, but then stopped abruptly. "Uh oh," he muttered.

Gui-Gon could feel the young man's distress clearly through the Force. Looking over his shoulder, he saw the reason for it. There was only one cot in the small room. And though the hard durasteel floor did look recently swept, there were still stains in several places that Qui-Gon didn't want to look at any closer. The Jedi master's observations were interrupted by the sound of rapid footsteps approaching the still-open doorway. As they turned, it was suddenly filled by another young pimple-faced man. "Aww, Tarl, I'm sorry," the newcomer gasped, out of breath. "That's the only extra cot we could find. Believe me man, I looked everywhere. The rioters looted the spaceport's storehouses, too, even!"

The conductor, Tarl, turned his apologetic-yet-terrified expression back to Qui-Gon, but before he could open his mouth again, the big Jedi waved his concern away. He didn't want to hear any more apologies, he just wanted to get on with the voyage. "This is fine, trust me. You boys have done more than enough. Thank you."

"Well, uh, alright then," Tarl said uncertainly, though he was already heading back out the door. "Um, I hope you enjoy your stay with us," he added in a barely audible mumble, clearly uncertain that his usual parting platitude was appropriate in this particular situation. Then he and his co-worker ran off down the hallway, as if afraid the Jedi Master would change his mind and come after them with his lightsaber.

Qui-Gon shook his head. He didn't think he would ever get used to the way so many societies held the Jedi up as some sort of mystical, all-powerful bringers of judgment and justice. Normally he found such perceptions both honoring and bewildering, but today he just found them irritating. Actually, he was finding _everything_ irritating today. He was interrupted in his musings by a loud, exasperated sigh from behind him. Speaking of irritating…

Qui-Gon turned to regard his apprentice, who hadn't moved from his spot by the door. "Master, please tell me this is some sort of cruel joke," Obi-Wan said plaintively.

It was the big Jedi's turn to sigh. "Sorry, Padawan, no such luck." The boy looked so tired and forlorn, Qui-Gon started to feel a little sorry for him, petulance aside. But then the next words out of his apprentice's mouth made him change his mind.

"Ah, sithspit!" the young Jedi cursed. "We can't both fit on that cot! And the floor is filthy! I can't believe this!"

"Obi-Wan, watch your language!" Qui-Gon said sharply. Normally his apprentice would have been mortified at receiving such a reprimand, but today he appeared completely unmoved. He just stared at his master with a this-is-all-your-fault type of look. Qui-Gon stared back, recognizing that a contest of wills had just ensued. He saw his padawan's eyes narrow ever so slightly as the boy realized the challenge had been met. Blue-grey eyes bored into blue eyes, the frustrations of the past month and a half fueling the hardness of both their stares.

Suddenly a wave of weariness swept through Qui-Gon. He was too tired for this. And he could feel a headache coming on. Besides, he had already stared down enough people on this mission to last him the rest of his life. With a sigh he broke the spell and looked away, then immediately closed his eyes in frustration. Force, he just let his _padawan_ beat him in a staring contest! Though his back was turned to him now, he could practically hear Obi-Wan smirking.

With a shake of his head, Qui-Gon forced himself back to his senses, realizing that he was being ridiculous. _You're a Jedi master, for Force's sake_, he reprimanded himself, _act like one_! Turning back around, he found that his apprentice was indeed smirking triumphantly, and he had to fight down another surge of irritation. _Stop it_!

Struggling to keep his voice even, since he wanted nothing more at the moment than to wipe that smug look off of his apprentice's face, which desire he knew did him absolutely no credit whatsoever, Qui-Gon addressed the boy again. "Obi-Wan, I know you're tired. So am I, it's been a very long day. A very long _month_, in fact."

"You can say that again, Master," Obi-Wan agreed, and the big Jedi was grateful that the boy's tone no longer sounded quite so petulant.

"Now we just have to get through one more night, and then we can put this whole unpleasant business behind us. Focus on the positive, such as the fact that we're finally going home. Can you do that, Padawan?" Qui-Gon hoped that he had managed to keep from sounding desperately pleading, that wouldn't do at all.

The Jedi master watched as his words seemed to have the desired effect. His apprentice's gaze softened, and his shoulders slumped in acquiescence. "Yes, Master, of course," came the soft reply.

Qui-Gon sighed quietly with relief. Finally he was getting some cooperation. _I just wonder how long it's going to last_, he thought tiredly as he stared at the single cot they were supposed to somehow manage with. Well, it would just have to do.

Obi-Wan walked up to the foot of the bed and dumped his bag on the floor. After following suit, Qui-Gon clapped the boy on the shoulder. "We'll have room if we both sleep on our side, don't you think, Padawan?"

Obi-Wan groaned. "Maybe," he conceded, "but I'm more worried that _one_ of us might start snoring in the middle of the night."

"I suppose you're referring to yourself, because I don't snore, my young apprentice."

"Ha! Yes you do."

"I do not."

"Do to!"

"Obi-Wan! Enough!"

"Sorry, Master."

The two Jedi sat down wearily on the cot, which of course turned out to be rather hard. Anything, though, was preferable to the filthy floor. _So much for not caring about material comforts_, Qui-Gon thought, annoyed with himself for letting his body's needs rule over him. He knew he was better than this, but he couldn't even seem to work up much regret over his recent behavior. Obviously the frustrations, aggravations, and sheer stupidity of the last six weeks had gotten to him more than he would have liked to admit. He would have to do some serious meditations very soon to clear his mind, but right now all he wanted to do was sleep.

"So how should we do this?" Obi-Wan's voice broke into the big Jedi's reverie. "Sleep with our heads on opposite ends?"

"Uh huh," Qui-Gon shook his head. "I know how much you move in your sleep, the way you're always tangled in your covers when you wake up. You'd kick me into a coma!"

Obi-Wan actually laughed at that, a sound the older Jedi suddenly realized he hadn't heard in quite a while. Pleased to find that it had softened his mood somewhat, Qui-Gon smiled slightly. Taking off his boots, he threw them in the general direction of his bag. Then he wrapped his robe more securely about him, since the rioters had apparently looted all the blankets as well. As soon as he felt his padawan lay down behind him, he reached out with the Force and pressed the light panel, plunging the small room into inky darkness.

"Night, Master," Obi-Wan said sleepily.

"Goodnight, Padawan," Qui-Gon replied, eternally grateful that he would be getting some sleep at last.

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_But __**we**__ don't recognize their claim! I can count on one hand how many times they came to our aid during the drought! And the last time was forty-seven years before it ended!_

_Well, if your people hadn't stolen what you needed anyway, perhaps we'd have been more inclined to help you!_

_That's a lie! My great-great-great grandfather certainly wasn't a thief!_

_No, he was too busy having an affair with my great-great grandmother, wasn't he?_

_YOU FILTHY #$%?&! You'll pay for that!_

Obi-Wan jerked awake, the image of a chair hurled unintentionally at his head startling him out of his nightmare. A nightmare that had been all too real, unfortunately. The people of Creon IV had had grudges that went back for over a thousand years, and the two Jedi had been expected to come in and help them settle their differences in one mission. The boy decided that even if he were to think about it for the rest of his life, he'd never be able to figure out how they managed it in only six weeks. Not that he wanted to, he was sure it would only give him a headache. He was just sooo glad it was finally over.

But now he was wide awake, and judging by how tired he still was, he knew he couldn't have been asleep for very long. Obi-Wan sighed in exasperation. And his master _was_ snoring! The young padawan rolled his eyes, resisting the urge to pull his hair out. He shifted uncomfortably for a few minutes, trying in vain to find a better position. There just wasn't enough room!

Trying to force himself to relax, Obi-Wan closed his eyes and waited to fall back asleep. It was no good. Qui-Gon's snoring was _really_ starting to get on his nerves. And he couldn't sleep anyway as long as he felt like he was going to fall off the cot any second. He always slept best on his stomach, not his side. This was so frustrating!

If he only had a few more centimeters, maybe he could get more comfortable. Obi-Wan pushed backward against his master, but after a moment he realized that the big Jedi wasn't budging. He didn't have enough leverage… But wasn't their cot only half a meter or so from the wall? Kicking out with his legs, the young Jedi found that it was true. Grinning triumphantly, feet braced against the wall, he resumed pushing backward. It was still rather difficult to get Qui-Gon to move, the man _was_ almost twice his size, but the boy was satisfied to feel him slide over centimeter by slow centimeter.

Obi-Wan stopped after a minute to see how much room he had now. Still not enough, the wretched cot was barely wide enough for one person, let alone two! A sudden snore assured him that Qui-Gon was still asleep. His master had had that I-think-it's-time-Obi-Wan-had-another-lecture-he-won't-soon-forget look in his eye earlier, and the young padawan certainly didn't want to get it in the middle of the night. Now, if only he could manage to push him over just one more centimeter…

With a suddenness that startled Obi-Wan, the weight against his back suddenly lifted. _Thud_. "Oops," the boy whispered in the darkness. He had just pushed his master onto the floor.

Obi-Wan stretched out with the Force to the bond they shared, and was relieved to feel that Qui-Gon wasn't quite awake yet, though he was rapidly approaching that state. Perhaps he'd think he just fell off the cot on his own. _Oh well, no use dwelling on it now_. The young Jedi stretched out the width of the cot, pleased that he now had enough room to lie on his stomach. Sighing contentedly, Obi-Wan quickly drifted back to sleep.

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_Mrrph_. "Wha…" Qui-Gon croaked. Where was he? What had just happened? And why wouldn't his eyes open? It took the man a minute to realize he was blinking, which meant that his eyes were indeed open. So why was it so dark, then? Had he gone blind?

Suddenly everything rushed back to the big Jedi. The mission, the full transport, the filthy room, the cot… Sighing tiredly, he realized that he must have fallen onto the floor. He could feel the cold hardness of the durasteel even through his robe. _Of all the cursed_… Sitting up, Qui-Gon's hands groped blindly forward until they found the edge of the cot. He was about to climb into it when he made an exasperating discovery: the cot was completely covered in padawan.

_That insolent little imp_, Qui-Gon cursed grumpily. _I'd bet anything he pushed me off_! "We'll just see about that…" he muttered. Reaching out again, he placed his hands on his padawan's shoulder and started to push him back over. And if he happened to _accidentally_ fall off the other side, so be it!

"Mpphh…Master…watch out," Obi-Wan suddenly mumbled. Startled, Qui-Gon stopped pushing. He didn't know his apprentice talked in his sleep. The boy shifted under his large hands, obviously caught up in some unpleasant dream. "They're…throwin' chairs…don't wan'…Master…don' get hurt…"

Qui-Gon shook his head. He remembered that incident. The two Jedi had had to use their lightsabers to restore order that time. And Obi-Wan had gotten a rather nasty bruise on his forehead from a stray chair.

"Master…I'll protect you…" the boy mumbled again, his young voice sounding so very innocent.

Hands still on his padawan's shoulder, Qui-Gon suddenly felt ashamed. "Oh Obi-Wan, what am I doing?" he whispered. After all they had been through lately, and how many times he had snapped at his apprentice because of it, the boy was even now dreaming of protecting his Master. _Even as I was about to push him off the other side of the cot and onto the floor._

Feeling very ashamed of himself, Qui-Gon very gently rolled his apprentice back onto his stomach. Then he placed one big hand on the boy's head as he called on the Force to push him into a deeper sleep. Obi-Wan's restless movements ceased, and a sigh escaped from him as he slipped into a blissfully dreamless slumber. "Good night, my Padawan," Qui-Gon whispered softly. "And I'm sorry."

Sitting back down on the floor, Qui-Gon decided it was high time he did some serious meditations. He hadn't had the time or ability to fully immerse himself in the Living Force for several days now, and he knew that was the root of his problems. It was obvious now that he wouldn't be getting any sleep tonight, anyway. The Jedi master was pleased, though, to find that that fact no longer bothered him. Reaching back out, he ran his fingers tenderly through his padawan's soft, spiky hair. The boy needed the rest far more than he did. And he really hadn't been fair to him, making him sleep on the hard floor of their quarters for the past two weeks. It was time he made it up to him.

Settling into his favorite meditation posture, Qui-Gon closed his eyes. He was pleased to find that his apprentice had given him the clarity and proper perspective he needed to find his center at last. Smiling to himself, he was soon floating peacefully down the river of light that was the Living Force.

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Obi-Wan awoke the next morning more rested and refreshed than he remembered feeling in a long time. Taking lazy stock of his surroundings, he realized that he was still lying on his stomach on the cot. With a guilty start, he remembered that he had pushed his master off during the night. Had he really slept on the floor all night?

Obi-Wan opened his eyes and rolled over, but the room was still pitch dark. Quickly turning on the lights with the Force, he found that the big Jedi was indeed on the floor, sitting cross-legged in meditation.

Obi-Wan watched as his master stirred and opened his eyes, bracing himself for the reprimand he knew was coming. Not that he didn't deserve it, he really had been a brat yesterday, hadn't he?

"Good morning, Padawan," Qui-Gon said cheerfully. "I hope you slept well?"

"Uh…" Obi-Wan stammered, suddenly at a loss. Why was his master so cheerful? Didn't he know what happened last night? Perhaps this was a trick to throw him off his guard so he wouldn't see the lecture coming. Oh, well, he might as well play along if it helped him avoid the inevitable. "I slept very well, Master, thank you."

"Glad to hear it, Obi-Wan," Qui-Gon replied, sounding sincere enough. And was it just the padawan's imagination, or did his master look a little guilty? _I'm the one who should be feeling guilty_, Obi-Wan thought unhappily. "Well, what say we get out of here?" the big Jedi continued as he stood up, "I think we've arrived on Coruscant."

"Yes, Master," Obi-Wan said enthusiastically, glad to realize that Creon IV was now very far behind. Now maybe things could start to get right again with the universe.

The two Jedi grabbed their bags and headed back through the ship. Soon they joined the throngs of other beings disembarking from the transport. Up ahead they could hear the voice of Tarl the conductor as he bid farewell to the passengers. "Thank you for flying with us, I hope you had a pleasant journey. Thank you for flying with us, we'd love to see you again. Thank you for flying with us, enjoy your stay on Coruscant. Thank you for fly- Oh…" Obi-Wan smiled to himself as Tarl's eyes got big when he saw who the next disembarking passengers were. "Master Jinn!" the conductor greeted them nervously. "Did, did you…uh…have a good s-stay?"

To Obi-Wan's surprise, Qui-Gon put an arm around him and smiled enthusiastically. "We certainly did, thank you, Conductor Tarl."

Leaving the shocked, but relieved, conductor behind, the two Jedi disembarked from the shuttle and headed across the spaceport, Qui-Gon's arm still around his apprentice. Obi-Wan didn't mind one bit, but his master's display of affection brought to his mind more keenly his atrocious behavior of late. It was high time he apologized, he would welcome a reprimand more than the guilt he was feeling. Seeming to anticipate his next move, his master stopped walking and turned to face him.

"Padawan, I-"

"Master, I-"

The two Jedi smiled slightly at having started talking at the same time. Obi-Wan inclined his head at the older man, it was his master's place to go first.

"Padawan, I feel I need to apologize to you for my behavior yesterday. It was not becoming of a Jedi. I let the frustrations of our mission get to me, and I should not have. I truly am sorry, Obi-Wan."

"No, Master, I'm the one who should be sorry," Obi-Wan replied, feeling even more guilty now, if that were possible. "I disrespected you yesterday, and I'm-I'm the one who pushed you off the cot. I'm sorry." He bowed his head and waited for the reprimand. Instead he felt a big hand cup under his chin and lift his head up. As his eyes met his master's, he was relieved to see that Qui-Gon was smiling gently at him, not a trace of displeasure on his face.

"I know, Padawan," he said, still smiling, "I sort of figured it out last night. Neither of us was at our best yesterday, obviously. Truth be told, I almost did the same to you. Now, what do you say we put that whole unpleasant business behind us once and for all and forget all about yesterday? How would that be?"

Obi-Wan smiled back, gratitude washing through him. "I would like that very much, Master." Then in an adolescent fit of affection, the young Jedi reached out and grabbed Qui-Gon in a hug. His smile got bigger as he felt the older man wrap his arms around him and pull him even closer. They stood like that for a few moments, oblivious to the curious stares of passersby. Obi-Wan could feel his master's love for him clearly through their bond, and he made sure that his master could feel the same from him.

"Let's go home, my Padawan," Qui-Gon whispered softly at last.

"Yes, Master, let's." And as they walked away, his master's arm still around him, Obi-Wan thought contentedly, _Yes, indeed, everything is once again right with the universe_.

The End


End file.
